Introduction
The Old Testament lesson for today about the Ten Commandments is a fitting choice for the fourth Sunday in Lent. So, naturally, let’s talk about ice cream.
Kids and adults alike all scream for ice cream or a variation thereof—most of the time anyway.
Last year my family acquired two VIP Blizzard cards from a promotional campaign for our Stow Dairy Queen, providing us with two free blizzards per week for a year. That’s104 Blizzards and we tried everyone on the menu. By mid-year though we mostly got our two favorites—Choco Brownie Extreme and Mint Chocolate Chip.
Julie and I did learn though you really can have too much of a good thing when one day we shouted the familiar mantra, “We gotta get Blizzards!” and were met with the response from the back of the van, “Do we have to get Blizzards?”
One fast-growing ice cream company has built enormous success via the diet ice cream market. In 2017, Halo Top became the best-selling pint in grocery stores, whizzing past industry giants Ben & Jerry’s and Häagen-Dazs. Last year this relative newcomer to the ice cream game (Breyers has been around since the 1860s) ran an ad showing a woman dancing as if no one was watching and eating the ice cream while captions revealed messages stating for too long we’ve been burdened by the things we should do— but ultimately fail to do: I “should” lose weight. I “should” work out. I “should” eat more salads. I “should” skip dessert.
Finally the tag line dances across the screen: “Stop ‘shoulding’ yourself.”
The lesson being we tell ourselves things we “should” do, but it’s time to stop “shoulding” ourselves, crack open a pint of guilt free diet ice cream, and dance like no one is watching.
While we can appreciate this idea, there is a fine line though—because there are things we really should do, along with things we should stop doing. The question then is how do we know the difference?
Move 1
When it comes to “shoulding” ourselves, there’s an irony as delicious as ice cream itself— we can’t stop “shoulding” ourselves. We should obey laws. We should wear seat belts. We should wear masks. We should practice social distancing. We should pay our taxes.
And if we look at the Bible there’s a slew of “shoulding” involved in being a person of faith. We should be kind to one another. We should be patient. We should share with each other. We should pray. We should love God. We should love our neighbors as ourselves. We should be compassionate. On and on the “shoulding” goes—and in these cases, we should “should” ourselves.
And there’s no more famous encapsulation of the importance of “shoulding” than the Ten Commandments. Ever since Moses first chiseled them on stone tablets they have been copied, reproduced, installed, erected, proclaimed, translated, and repeated in a gazillion different iterations. The very mention of “Ten Commandments” is a reminder of our duty toward God and our fellow human beings.
And the two tablets reflect two types of shoulds poetically written as “thou shalls” and “thou shall nots.” Verses 1-11, the God Rules; and verses 12-17 the People Rules. The divisions are of course intertwined though.
Our understanding of the God Rules flows from our knowledge of God as the supreme God of creation who demands unwavering obedience and worship. Ethical monotheism. There is one God, and we know what this one true God wants. So we do not murder, lie or steal because this is not the nature of God.
And though the rules of the second tablet flow from the first, we don’t have to be religious or super-Godly to understand their importance. If we live in community, we must abide by such shoulds, the “thou shalls” and “thou shall nots”. It’s how a community survives and thrives. This is why God stops the Israelite pilgrimage to Canaan at Mount Sinai, where God tells the Israelites they are a family in community; and because they are some expectations are at play. God makes it clear they must live by certain rules, observe specific boundaries, and live respective to God’s laws. This is what our worship space is going to look like and how we’re going to worship. This is what we’re going to eat and not eat. These are the leaders we will have, and this is what they will do.
But the Ten Commandments are only a small part of all that God expects. There are more “thou shalls” and “thou shall nots” all critical to living in community. So what we need to do is stay faithful to the Godly “thou shalls”, “thou shall nots”, and “shoulds”, and not the self-imposed “shoulds” or the “shoulds” others press upon us.
But this is where we so often fail miserably.
Move 2
We all know the “thou shalls” and “thou shall nots” and “shoulds” critical to living in community. If all of us respect these “shoulds,” our communities and cities will be better places to live. But beyond these perhaps the Halo Top ice cream company has touched on something important.
*******
It’s true there are some things we should stop shoulding ourselves with. After all, when you add up all the federal, state and municipal laws we’re required to obey (at the risk of fines or jail time), and add in the religious, ethical and moral commandments we’re to follow, there’s no point adding to our “should” responsibilities unnecessarily.
For instance: Many of us have become enslaved to cultural perceptions of beauty and fashion. We should stop “shoulding” ourselves about the need for an hourglass figure or six-pack abs.
We have been burdened by the need to be perfect: perfect super-moms and perfect super-dads—the parents our kid’s friends think are cool. Or the perfect husband, the perfect wife, the perfect partner, the perfect grandparent—better than the other grandparents—the perfect employee, the perfect friend, the perfect…whatever.
Another is how we are oppressed by the need to keep up with everyone else. We feel we should match or exceed the achievement of our peers; that our lifestyle should be like those in our circle of friends and co-workers. We become embarrassed and self-loathing when we judge ourselves to be lagging behind or incompetent— be it in terms of professional advancement or material and financial status. We can also feel pressure that we should yield to certain ideological positions that in our hearts we know to be antithetical to our convictions and core values.
In all of this “shoulding”, in all of this effort to meet the expectations of others—which we have convinced ourselves will bring us status and happiness—what we ultimately bring is calamity down upon ourselves, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Striving to meet anyone’s expectations except God’s will have serious negative outcomes and consequences.
*******
When to obey the shoulds of the world is a call only we can make. The counsel of friends and family is important, but ultimately, we alone must decide what we should and should not do.
Now, where God is talking, where God is instructing—there is no ambiguity. There is no argument about whether to be obedient. We should.
Acts 5 tells us, “Peter and the apostles answered, ‘We must obey God rather than any human authority…’”
John 15 tells us Jesus said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.”
Psalm 119 “Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.”
These texts, our text for today, and others all teach us of the Biblical call to follow the “shoulds”, the “thou shalls” and “thou shall nots” of God—but not because they are meant to keep us oppressively in line, but because they bring—as the Psalmists says— delight to us, to others, and to God.
Do we chafe under a spirit of obligation when we do something kind, considerate, compassionate, generous, and loving for our spouses or our family or friends? No. Because it gives us, and others, joy. When we delight in obeying God’s laws, the “should” factor is removed. It is no longer an obligation; it is a joy— because doing for others as God would have us do is a joy, not a burden.
So the Biblical and Godly “should”, the “thou shalls” and “thou shall nots” are not hindering our joy—they enhance our joy. What hinders our joy are the “shoulds” of our own creation.
Move 3
Years ago I was talking with a friend and colleague, lamenting my struggles both personally and professionally, relaying all I felt I was getting wrong and failing at—family relationships, work responsibilities, status, achievement. I told of seeing the successes of friends and colleagues and how feelings of dread and worthlessness would engulf me.
Woven within all of this lamenting to my friend was the word “should.” I should be doing this, I should be doing that, I should be working on this project, but I can’t because I should be working on this and that.
After listening intently my friend and colleague then asked, “Have you heard of the 11th Commandment?”
Admittedly, a wave of “shoulding” fear washed over me and an internal dialogue ran through my mind: “11th Commandment?! Should I know this?! He apparently knows, so I probably should. Was it in Exodus? Deuteronomy?” Hesitantly, yet theologically, I said, “What?”
That’s when he said, “The 11th Commandment is: ‘Thou shall not should themselves.’” His tongue in cheek instruction, coupled with the teachings and understands of what God’s commandments are meant for, struck me in a way I didn’t expect, and it has lingered in my spirit ever since.
“The 11th Commandment: ‘Thou shall not should themselves.’” Because “shoulding” yourself doesn’t produce faithfulness or joy.
Conclusion
There are a lot of “shoulds” we should strive to keep. But there are a lot we should drop. How do we know the difference?
The ones we should keep are the ones that bring forth a deeper faith in God, along with joy in others through our kindness, compassion, generosity, and love. Do those “shoulds” and the same will come back to us.
And the ones we should stop “shoulding” ourselves with? Those are the impossible “shoulds”, the ones demanding we be perfect, demanding we meet expectations that are not God’s. Those “shoulds” we should forget and instead focus on being faithful and doing the best we can at any given moment.
*******
So may we keep the Ten Commandments, and all of God’s commandments, because they are the ways of life that lead to a life of faithful joy—for us and others.
As for the other ways of life—let us keep the 11th Commandment—“Thou shall not should themselves.” For when we do, life will be joyful and faithful. Amen.
Pastoral Prayer, March 14, 2021
Deeper and deeper we traverse into this Lenten season O God. Further and further we go through this wilderness wandering. Like the Israelites traveling to Canaan, we too look toward the day when we arrive at the place you are taking us, knowing in faith the long journey will be worth the struggle because it will be a place of hope and renewed life.
But we know also, the journey is not yet complete, and that you know who we are and what we need to first do.
We are fearful, fretful, weak, and fickle people. We find it easy to give lip-service to you and pretend we live in the light of your love, but we too easily drift back into the dimness of our own indifference, apathy, greed, and despair.
Gracious and Patient God, these, and much else, block our path to the Cross. We don’t like to think that we hide, but we do. We hide when we turn our backs on people in need; we hide when we criticize and malign others viciously. We wander from your way when we support systems of injustice and oppression.
So we pray you keep urging us forward, keep moving us toward the light of your ways that come through the teachings and example of your Son Jesus.
Open our hearts and spirits to hear your words of salvation offered through Him.
Reach through the dimness of our souls and let your light of love and hope shine on us and eventually in us, that we might bring others to the Light.
Help us to not fear the path we must take and the ways we must follow, but rather to rejoice in their instruction; embrace the promise of joy that comes from them, and see that your ways—the ways of Christ—are the ways of hope and renewed life.
And having received again the light of your way, send us forth into the world as healing agents, bringing your peace and love and promise of new life to all.
Hear now the prayers of our hearts as we share them in this time of Holy Silence.
All this we pray in the name of Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior, who taught us to pray, saying, “Our…”