Luke 18:9-14
October 23, 2022
Introduction
We’ve all heard the joke… What happens when you play a country song backwards? Answer: You get your wife back, your dog back, your job back, and you don’t get into trouble for going fishing. Which means, when you play a country song in normal fashion, the song is full of sadness and regret.
Now many songs—country and otherwise— have been written about regret, but few have the power of a song called “Hurt” written by Trent Reznor, and first recorded by the band Nine Inch Nails, which is not a country band.
However it was later recorded by the great country singer/songwriter Johnny Cash, and became a powerful rendition of Reznor‘s song, because Cash turned it into a confession of regret— most especially— Cash’s regret.
Watch the video of Cash’s rendition and you’ll see Cash looking old and close to death, then singing in his deep baritone voice these words…
I wear this crown of thorns/on my liars chair/full of broken parts/I cannot repair. Beneath the stands of time/the feelings disappear/you were someone else/I’m still right here. What have I become?/My sweetest friend/everyone I know goes away/in the end. And you could have it all/my empire of dirt/I will let you down/I will make you hurt.
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Regret. It’s a powerful emotion. One that is common to us all. We have regrets about things we have done or left undone, and things we failed to do or say. We regret our moral failures right along with our failures to embrace promising and positive opportunities. Like Johnny Cash, we are “full of broken thoughts”, ruminating on what we “cannot repair.”
Regret is hard to handle. It can haunt us cause us to think less of ourselves. Consequently, many today aim to abide by the mantra “No Regrets”—some going as far as tattooing the phrase on their hands or arms so as to see it every day as a living reminder to live in ways you will not regret it. But regret doesn’t have to be a bad emotion. In fact regret has the power to change us, to improve our lives, become a blessing that can ultimately make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.
Move 1
Daniel Pink has written a book called “The Power of Regret”, that explores how regret can help us make smarter decisions, improve our performance in school and at work, and enjoy more meaningful lives.
In an interview with Washington magazine, Pink says, “Regrets is a tool that helps us learn. It’s adaptive. We shouldn’t run from regrets. Instead, we should learn from it. Our culture has gone overboard on positivity, when in fact negative emotions are just as valuable.”
So how does this work?
Pink addresses this question saying, “When I think about my life, pre-age 25, I just wasn’t kind enough. I definitely feel regret for that. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t go back and find somebody who is mistreated by others and say, I’m sorry that in Mrs. McMillan‘s sixth grade class, I didn’t step in when people were making fun of you.”
Bullying others, or standing by while others were bullied, is one of the biggest regrets many of us carry with us. Pink knows he cannot change the past, but he can go forward and say, “I’m going to treat everybody with a greater degree of kindness than I did before.” That is the positive power of regret. That is the blessing of regret. Looking backward can help us move forward in ways that will make a difference, a difference for us and a difference for others.
Move 2
In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus tells a parable to some people who had no regrets. They “trusted in themselves and they were righteous in regard to others with contempt.”
If they were alive today, these folks would have “No Regrets” tattooed on their arms.
“Two men went up to the temple to pray”, said Jesus, “one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.” The people listening to Jesus understood immediately that the Pharisee was developed person, and the tax Collector it was a sinner. The Pharisees stood by himself, because Pharisees to depart from the crowd to preserve their purity before God, and prayed, “God, I thank you I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income …” on and on he prayed how he was a man who practiced the disciplines of refraining from eating along with making generous donations to the temple. The guy had no regrets. “But the tax collector,” said Jesus, “standing far off, without even look up to the heavens, I was beating his breast and saying, God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”
In contrast to the Pharisee, the tax collector was full of regrets. In the time of Jesus, tax collectors were more like “toll collectors” says New Testament scholar Alan Culpepper “and the toll system was open to abuse and corruption. The toll collectors were often not natives of the area where they work, and their wealth and collusion with the Roman oppressors made them targets of scorn.”
Abuse. Corruption. Collusion with Rome. The tax collector could have joined Johnny Cash in singing, “I wear this crown of thorns/on my liars chair.” And so he asked for God‘s mercy, because he knew there was much he could not repair.
Then Jesus concludes the parable saying: “I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the others; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.” The tax Collector went home justifies, which means the tax collector was restored to right relationship with God. The Pharisee, on the other hand, was not justified, which means he remained rooted in his worldly status, misaligned with the ways of God by exulting and putting his faith in himself instead of in God.
And the result was, well… Regretful.
Move 3
This parable is a perfect illustration of the power of regret. The tax collector was justified because he put his faith completely in God, asking God to be merciful to him.
And this was accomplished because he took an honest look at his past, the regretful actions, and asked God to forgive him. “Regret reveals what makes life worth living,” says Daniel pink. “There are some things in life we really, really care deeply about.” The tax collector cares deeply about being aligned with God and God‘s ways, so he confessed his sins and asked for God‘s mercy because he knew he was not aligned with God and God‘s ways. Somewhere, somehow, he became aware of this truth, regretted it, and was humble enough to know he needed help to realign himself with God and God‘s ways, and his prayer became so.
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Even though all of us live with regret, the good news is most people want to do the right thing. Most of us don’t want to be misaligned with God, and God is willing to help us turn our lives around and head to the new direction.
Pink interviewed a woman who broke down and cried about her deepest moral regret: “She bullied a kid on a school bus when she was eight or nine years old. Because she was humble and honest about this, she could use this regret as a spur to treat people more kindly in the future.” Regrets of yesterday can help us become the people we, and God, wants us to be today and tomorrow.
Honesty. Humility. Seeking grace. These are the qualities that enable us to look at our regrets, see what we were, but never want to be or do you again; and move forward in positive and faithful ways that make a difference in our lives and in the lives of others.
Conclusion
None of us has a right to stand up and boast about our moral superiority, saying we have no regrets. Yes, we might think of ourselves as being giving, compassionate, loving, and respectful—which according to a recent survey by the Episcopal Church, that’s how Christians to describe other Christians.
But is that the truth? Because if you survey non-Christians, and ask them to describe Christians, you’ll hear words like “hypocritical”, “judge mental”, “self-righteous”, and “hateful.” And those words, those perceptions, are regretful. And not just because they make a sound like Pharisees— but because they are un-Christ like. And to think they are not only sets us more deeply in our liars chair.
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Bishop Michael Curry, the presiding bishop of the episcopal church says, “There is a disconnect between the reality of Jesus and the perceived reality of Christians, which is why Christians must be honest about that fact that Christians have a long history of fighting over major moral issues, such as the conflict between pastors who supported the institution of slavery and Christian abolitionist who fought against slavery. Christians need to admit that very often we have been silent in the midst of unspeakable horrors when we should have spoken up.”
Bishop Curry is saying, we all have been some version of the tax collector, and therefore we need to see ourselves honestly, as the tax collector did, and express our regret about our failures, while seeking out the grace and mercy we need to turn from those tax collector ways, and become more Christlike.
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Every single one of us has regrets. We are “full of broken thoughts quotes about things “we cannot repair.” But looking backward, with honesty and humility, we find a faithful way forward as Christ would have us. It may not get our truck, dog, and fishing back, but it will always get us out of the “liars chair.”
And when we get out of the “liars chair”— through honesty humility and grace—we will have found the blessings of regret—and the difference those blessings will have. Amen.
Pastoral Prayer, October 23, 2022
God of grace and mercy, we come to you as those who want to be your good and faithful followers who always get living like Christ right, and we never have any regrets. But we know, and we confess we cannot. Such a realization can leave us not only filled with regret, but with shame, causing us to believe there is nothing of use or value within us.
Speak to us O God. Send your Holy Spirit to fill us with grace and mercy, and remind us, show us again, that when we have the courage to honestly open our hearts, admit our weaknesses, seek forgiveness for our failures, we can and will not only rise up forgiven and reconciled, but that you will send us forth as those who know of your redeeming grace and mercy.
So forgive us for the times when we have been less than patient with others. Know that we regret the instances when we have not given others the mercy you have extended to us. We are sorry when we trivialize the important issues and exaggerate the small stuff. Forgive us for all the occasions when we fly off the handle; when we have been dismissive of others; judged those we deemed less than; twisted your word to promote our personal agendas.
And we ask you, loving God, to grant us the grace to forgive ourselves. Help us to let go of the times when we have been less than our best. When we still harbor feelings of shame and remorse even though others have forgiven us and you have long forgotten. Help us to let go … and love ourselves anyway, just as you love us. Make it that the lessons of the past— where hatred and fighting have been redeemed by love and forgiveness— will inspire and give us hope for the future, and the difference we can have because you guided and blessed us in spite of our regrets.
Hear now O God, the prayers we need to share with you in this time of Holy Silence.
All this we pray in the name of Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior, who taught us to pray, saying, “Our…”